Thursday, February 23, 2012

Be Obedient, Be Happy ! A Letter to Sisters in Islam from a member of OWC@heart

Mohon maaf, tiada kecukupan masa untuk menterjemahkan. Sila rujuk Sheikh Google jika ada satu dua istilah yang kurang dapat ditangkap : Ayat pertama diterjemahkan begini. (Mendengar talk show di BFM yang dibuat di perut saya berjaya melahirkan. Ooouch!) Mrs Anonymous telah bercerai dalam perkahwinan pertamanya, dan sekarang sangat bahagia dengan perkahwinan keduanya.


A visitor to my blog wrote this for me (to blog it)… ( Prove : I’m still married to the same person I got married almost 15 years ago := ) Thanks to Mrs Anonymous.


Listening to the talk show on BFM made my stomach churned. Ooouch!

All praises are for Allah, there is nothing that happened without any meaning even when an old leave falls down the tree. So, when suddenly OWC became the headlines, something would happen and we hope, it will be all for the better.

O Allah, getting to know You that in every incident that happened will only to make us feel how close and how much Your love is pouring on all of us. We don’t have to go far… its in every breath that we take… without the oxygen, we don’t have a life. If only we know… if only we can understand. That’s why, worshipping You brings the deepest of wonderful feeling… to feel the bond between The Greatest You and Your creatures… To love You and to fear… and all that will lead a complete life.

A complete life? The best of examples… our beloved Prophet Muhammad pbuh. Knowing him even only through the pages of history… who wouldn’t fall in love with him? He had all the love inside him not only for the people during his time but for all of us after his time… How much he had fought for us, for our safety in life here in this world and the life after. How much he had loved us and still loving us… He, who fought for love, brought the mankind to the purest of love… that is to Love and fear God the al Mighty.

Thank you to BFM for bringing out the topic that is the eye opener to the reality of today. And a BIG thank you to Obedient Wives Club (OWC) for shaking us all up! Obedient. A simple word. Brings the world up side down…

I was shocked when Dr Azlina, a committee member of OWC started talking about a wife has to be obedient to the husband and that is a decree from God, the other was busy to prove whether obedience exist in the Quran and Hadith. It is a decree from God. Fullstop. And the other was trying very hard to apply obedience in today’s life. Then straight away questioning about obedient when women get abused, victimised, then pouring all of the social ills… well… I’m trying to get it straight as well… are those reason mentioned to deny God’s decree? Hmm… even Dato’ Mashitah has agreed that obedience is a decree from God! Is there any weakness in God’s decree? Because this is a question of faith we are talking about. And Dr Azlina being a true muslim woman has said, it is a decree from God and she has no question. That is a true muslim, first of all.

I’m not an expert. But I would like to share my understanding of obedience. If we are trying to understand obedience with a frame of mind of today’s reality, I guess we would get so blurr like part of the speakers. With all the social ills, obedience becomes a frightening thing to do because we seems not to be able to trust anyone, nowadays.
We are so unsure that we probably even alien to ourselves. And worst, being alien to God. We don’t really know Him. Then how can we fully understand His decree and how to apply it to such a crazy life of today?

To make it simple, when we were born to this world, we knew nothing but the things that have been taught to us. For example, when our mom bought us a game, she would show us how to play. There must be rules and ways. So, we as a child, being obedient and started to play. It will be safe and easier. Even we might get the better of it later on. But, if we refused to obey, and decided to play the game on our own, we would definitely be making mistakes. If we were able to learn and correct the mistakes and then follow the rules and ways, we might understand the games better. But if we let our ego to lead us, we might even destroy the game.

There goes the definition of obedience. When we do not understand the life that has been created ahead for us by the Creator, we are supposed to be obedient. This world is His creation. He knows everything and He has the Power to control. When He sets a decree for us, knowing how much He loves His creations, definitely the decree that He has set will not bring us to disaster. So, why is there questions about His decree when we have faith in Him, the only God?

Are we trying to say the God’s decree has weaknesses and that we have a better mind to control ourselves? If that is true, then can we call ourselves muslims?

To prove that, I hope the Speakers would study Islamic History before making such an assumption. During the leadership of our beloved Propher Muhammad pbuh, the muslim women then became obedient to God and they accepted the decree and practice in their marriage life once they embraced Islam. We knew how was the civilisation then. Women were not a respected gender and the worst part, they buried the newborn child if it turned out to be a girl. Compared to the life today, we are far civilised. Still, it is hard for us to obey to a God’s decree.

Then, as Prophet Muhammad’s teachings, even when the men embraced Islam, they were on their way to accepting and respecting women because it was so new to them. The same went to the women. Even when some of the husbands were still ruthless and not being the perfect husbands (that most women has the pictures in mind), the muslim women then were able to be obedient because of their love and fear God. Their faith in God were unshaken that the hardship of being obedient wives became small matter to them. Prophet Muhammad was teaching them by showing the example, had applied the decree from God in his marriage. All his wives became role model and his patience was so strong in convincing the muslim men to be a better husbands.

I had tears in my eyes reading how strong our beloved Prophet had fought to protect the muslim women, changing their lives until they could be heard, respected, taken part of the society, playing roles in the community and also served Islam with important tasks and at the same time, women were protected and taken care of. When before, they were abused, they voices were never been heard and there would be no importance of women except to serve the men in bed and serve their duty at home.

Prophet Muhammad had taught them to be obedient to the husband as that was the decree from God and they obeyed without question. When the husbands came home to these obedience wives, they were at peace and after the hardship of life outside, they found happiness at home. That boosted their faith in God and came out a better fighter with a better mind for Islam. Prophet Muhammad had proven the truth. With an obedience wife, a marriage has a strong fundamental for the husband to lead for a better family. The children grew up in a good and peaceful environment, with the parent’s love and care. Faith in God that brought them better and stronger. Slowly, each family forms a better society. And from the better society created a better nation. Islam had been proven when it conquered 3/4 of the world under the leadership of Prophet Muhammad pbuh. So, when God rules out a decree, it is for the better, never for the worst.

Back to today’s life, how do we start? Clearly, we were brought up the way people called civilisation. When I started to understand about life, women had started to fight for their right. Where was it begin? The west. Luckily my family wasn’t influenced then. The leader in the house was my father and my mother, being a very fierced lady, she had argued almost in everything but my father would have the last word and she gave her respect and acceptance. My mother’s stand was clear and strong. No matter what my father said, only with Allah’s will, that things would happen his way. So, to Allah, we prayed.

When women started to have their say in the west, pattern of life had changed. We, in the east, thought that almost everything in the west was the best so we wanted the best as well. Forgetting the best guidance that we have in Quran and Hadith, we followed the west instead. When they crumbled with social ills… can we survived?

Equality? Yes, there’s a verse in the Holy Quran, “All men are created equal.” Equal in this term is equal in the eyes of God. God treats both genders the same way and rewards them in the same way. Men and women are no different. The difference in the Eyes of God is faith. To make it simple, men and women would be treated equally when it comes to good deeds, sins, heaven and hell. But in life, they play different roles. And different roles do not make any gender a lesser person.

If we want to eat delicious fried chicken, can we fry chicken without salt? No? But can we say that chicken is more important than salt? So, if we say that salt is a lesser thing, is it not as important as chicken? But are they equal?

Adam was created alone. But when he was in need of companion, Eve was created for him. They needed each other. Were they equal?

The verse that was quoted by one of the speakers is a good guidance already. It says, “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excell another, and because they spend from their means, therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard.” Obedient doesn’t mean that you have to obey them to do sinful things. Like sodomise, abortion and anythings against syaria. These are the things that go against OWC’s perspective.

Obedience is very confusing when we try to apply from the outside of the social ills problem. It should be applied within. Focus on what Dr Azlina was trying to say. Obedience can only be applied when ones becomes obedient to Allah and the Prophet. Unless, to those who has no faith in God that He has the power to change our lives… then forget about being obedience.

Maybe we should learn something from the TV dramas nowadays. How strong faithful muslim wives faced problematic husbands… womanisers, gamblers, drug addicts, drinking husbands etc. Do they fight in court, demanding their rights or demanding equality?

No. They have turned to God for the way out. With their strong faith, they prayed and be a better person, God has finally changed their life for the better. If you are being prejudice towards the OWC, maybe you should talk to Erma Fatima, etc, whether what they have presented to the society in their scripts merely imaginations or it is the truth that had happened in real life. For us women, no matter how hard life is, if we are not willing to change, God would not change the life for us.

Talking about having sex with your spouse, I was shocked to hear the questions like, what if you are not in the mood? Or what if you have a headache? Do you still perform?! And… bravo Dr Azlina! I loved it when she said, YES!

What is wrong here? We are not talking about a victimised wife, or beaten or … err hello! It’s just a headache or not in mood…. Something that is so simple that you cannot sacrifice a little bit to make you husband happy? You were created to make him happy! He came home with a lot of things in his mind or he probably saw some seduction outside, then he needed your comfort and you rejected him because of headache or not being in the mood? See! That leads to another. For men, rejection is too much. If that situation goes on and on… that would be a start of a social problem. Ohh… blame it to the man! Or is it the woman’s ego?!

I had encountered the same situation and so did most of my friends. But being obedient wives… with a little prayer in our hearts, begging for Allah’s help to give us the strength to entertain the husband and to ease our pain, we gave the husbands the sweetest smile possible and give him all the pleasures he needed. To our surprise (most of the time), we’d forgotten the pain and had enjoyed the pleasure as well. The pleasure in halal sex is actually a gift from Allah to His servants that is the hint of pleasures from heaven. It’s the pleasure from heaven! It is a very special gift from Allah. The feeling of satisfaction is undescribable. It’ll bring you so high, you don’t feel to come back… (Hmm… I’m not good in explaining this!)

Then the best part was, after all that was over, he rolled over and give us the lovely massage on the head in his lovely cuddle. Or sometimes, the headache was totally gone and we had sex one more round! And that is the bonus! (I’m sure Dr Azlina has this experience too… ha ha)

Imagine if you have rejected him, even if he has pity on you but he couldn’t avoid feeling so down and unfulfill. Worst, he would have that sulky look till morning and enter the office with the same look. Work seems harder and everything turned out unpleasant. If only you had sacrifice a bit, things would turn out so different.

Sex is not purely nafs. Other than the bond of love, it is also biological needs… (doctors! Help!!) So, to be obedient in fulfilling the husband needs is vital. But we have to do it sincerely because of Allah. He who knows what lies in our hearts and He who knows how to rewards.

I remember my mother’s word when I first got married. Be obedient and give the bedroom top priority. Then I thought, I had to make sure the bedroom always neat and beautifully decorated. But then, I got to know that when a man satisfied in bed, he could tolerate other weaknesses. And if a woman being obedient, a man’s heart easily melt. As the result, there was no problems that could not be solved. Even when we had to divorce, he had declared that I had been a good wife and he would love me till the end. He had change since then and now happily married too. So does my second marriage. Even when the going gets tough, God’s decree is a priority. I have had my bad experience in my first marriage. But I was still an obedient wife except for the things that against syaria. Finally, God has shown me the way out and that made my faith in Him grew stronger. I am now a happily married woman. And obedient is still be the answer of the happiness.

With my own experience and others, it became clearer that if women deny the men’s need, then every 15 minutes there will be a divorce and every 17 minutes there will be a baby being discarded. Their needs not only involve sex but also our attention, companionship, tender loving care and to complete their life in any way that they need us to be.

If this is too much for you to believe, lets poll! Malaysian loves to poll. We have a 1000 women from OWC practising obedience to their husbands. Lets search for another 1000 wives, look at their percentage of obedience and marriage problems. (Sisters in Islam would do a good job in this). If 1000 members of OWC prove better marriage life with less marriage problems, then we have the conclusion to make that obedience does not creates problems but disobidience does.

To the women out there, be obedient to Allah and the Prophet, we’ll be an obedient wife. Be obedient, be happy. Go OWC!


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